After my first husband walked out on me, I was heartbroken, lost, and completely depressed. After some time, I started reading books on Buddhism and searching for every meditation class I could possibility go to. For those few minutes in meditation, although my mind was still on and hundreds of thoughts were still going through my head, there was peace around me. The locations the classes were being held were very peaceful, and it felt like my body was drinking in the sweetness of how life can be. I would sign up for all the classes around my area and even outside my area, as long as I could learn different meditations and meet different monks, lamas, and teachers who would teach anything about Buddhism. For those moments my heartache, my broken and meaningless life, was a million miles away. There was only peace.
Slowly, with time, I got better at meditation and my mind wasn’t as busy as before. Now I could sit with an empty mind for a few minutes and I loved every second of it. This ability began to affect my life in general, which now wasn’t as miserable as before. I begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Having a quiet mind saved my life and was the start of a life I could never have imagined during those years. In actuality my first husband did me a great favor by walking out because he pushed me into looking within and coming to peace with my shadow. It was a really hard lesson and a long lesson, but it was worth the road traveled on.
If you look back into your life, like I have, perhaps you can see that after a very difficult time in your life came a bright light and change which maybe wasn’t welcomed but was a blessing. If you can’t see this, feel free to contact me for a private session.
December 21, 2012
For months before this very talked-about weekend around December 21, 2012, I had begun preparing for it: daily individual meditations, group meditations, many workshops, and many yoga classes. Then came the weekend. I sat quietly most of the day meditating. It was a very quiet and peaceful day. Before bed, I decided to ask Spirit for maybe the hundredth time if I could please have my spirit name. Expecting to be denied again, I waited, then heard a YES. I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or not. I asked again and I heard a YES again. Trying to stay very cool, I asked what my spirit name was. I heard the name “Shikoba.” I asked for the spelling, and it was given. Still thinking Spirit was going to start laughing any second now, I went to the computer and found it meant ‘feather.’ I started crying. Feathers have always held a special place in my heart, and I never knew why until that moment. Furthermore, my love of Mother Earth and deep respect for Native American culture warmed my heart and brought so much joy to me. I knew that in at least one of my past lives I must have been a Native American. It must have been a wonderful life filled with connection to the soul and higher self. It was an amazing weekend.
Shikoba means ‘feather’ in the Native American language Choctaw.
Shikoba is a determined woman who advances in life slowly but very surely. Cerebral and intellectual, she tends to think and analyze things a lot. Because she is of a somewhat anxious nature, she is inclined to pose both big and small existential questions. Her motto might be “I think, therefore I am.” Shikoba is rational and has an analytical mind. She is likely to be attracted to science with a capital S or to reason with a capital R; her irrational, mystical, and intuitive tendencies are great strengths, and could lead her to explore esotericism after much intense forethought: psychology, spirituality or astrology. The intimate master number 22 stimulates her, and could lead her onto royal roads. Don´t assume, however, that Shikoba is asocial and spends her life with her nose in a book, because in fact she is warm and very friendly as well as quite talkative—especially when a topic interests her—and she is always looking to meet more people. Her charm is undeniable, and she´s actually really nice, to boot. As a child, she tends to be inquisitive and a bit of a chatterbox. Her parents had better be up to scratch on the subjects that interest her, to be able to answer her many questions and help her to quench her thirst for knowledge. It would be wise to promote her socialization, sense of sharing, and exchange because she could quite happily be self-sufficient. With the 7 and 4, one observes an intimate feeling of being apart. But in general, she will focus on her studies which could continue well into her adulthood, the eternal student.
She enjoys research and analysis—preferably in a context of peace and quiet—and is fascinated by all that is original and cutting edge. Her love life isn´t always plain sailing, because Shikoba isn’t afraid to go out in the rain or be caught out in the storm. She is highly selective in love and would much rather be alone than with the wrong person. She could therefore experience more or less prolonged periods of celibacy, or indeed a more independent or less conformist romantic lifestyle.
It has taken my whole life to be here now. Every single moment, every single disappointment, every tear, heartbreak, job, friend, coworker, etc. etc. has contributed to making me who I am today. In the end, with each experience, I always choose which lesson to learn, if any. I choose which road to take: to be bitter, to be angry, to be a victim, to feel disappointed in others, and to blame them for my misfortunes or else to let go, to forgive, to move on, to accept, and to embrace. We always have a choice.
It’s been years in the making and yes clearly life times in the making of finally choosing to forgive myself for the mistakes I thought I had made and to love myself as I am. I never knew there could be so much hate in one person. It first comes through by being directed at others, and then slowly with time I realized it was really always me hating me. It was me being afraid of being me, so I would hide from it all. My mission is to help you remember that you are beautiful and lovely just the way you are.